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So, AMA... does money give you leverage to demand certain things from your grown children? If you truly want independence and the abilty to make decisions for yourself, should you refuse to take any monetary help from family? Should my nephew stop accepting the financial help so his mother doesn't have the ability to guilt-trip him any longer? Should my sister in law stop sending the money because he never comes to visit?
I guess I can sort of see it both ways, but I personally can't stand it when family members make other family members feel guilty for not visiting or doing such-and-such because of how it looks or whatever. If Jack doesn't want to come up to visit, that should be the end of the matter, IMO... and the money shouldn't come into it at all.