jack_patton (jack_patton) wrote in ask_me_anything,

A few years ago I was seeing a girl who was extremely enthusiatic, yet extremely unco-ordinated during sex. These two do not make a good combination. And one time they made a painful and very messy mix.

We were at her place and during the course of some terribly boring movie we had rented we became distracted with more interesting things. Interesting being the code word for fondling and kissing and working our way to naked.

It seems she was incredibly horny and incredibly receptive to everything I was doing and I was feeling like quite the star. So I worked my way down kissing and licking along the way. Now with her still seated on the sofa I knelt on the floor in front of her and began to perform oral sex. Now she was really, really into it. I was going to town and she was hootin', hollerin' and praisin' all kinds of god when she uttered the prophetic words "OHMYGODIAMCOMING!" That should have been my warning to get ready grab hold of something and probably tie down the furniture and board up the windows, because as I mentioned this girl was not the most co-ordinated dancer in the troupe. And I knew that this could be a rough ride.

Almost simultaniously as she announces her climax she has what I can only assume to be a mind blowing orgasm she grabbed the back of my head and a handful of hair, pulled me face first into her causing me to tilt my face upward to be able to continue to breathe and as I did this she thrust her hips forward and up at me, striking me firmly, ferociously and violently in the bottom of my nose with her pubic bone. Driving it up and in to my face...Breaking my nose.

I suddenly felt horrible pain, saw stars and proceded to slump down and out of my now busted sniffer a gush of blood came a-flowing! But here's the worse part she didn't let go, with eyes closed and body flailing she tried to stay in the act. Not realizing my grunt and moan were not pleasure but pain. It was only when I reached up and PRIED her off me that she looks and notices my pain, the blood and a look of horror on my face. Her response was to say "Oh my god, it's not that time of the month!" I of course am holding my nose and I grunted "You bust my nose!" She had the kindness to at least feel bad about it and try to console me and tend to the mess.

We cleaned up and decided I should seek medical attention and so we went to the hospital and while sitting there with my nose packed with gauze, beathing through my mouth and half in a daze she turns to me and says quietly "I am so sorry, I thought when I came I squirted, I had no idea it was blood." I simply closed my eyes and cringed.

Shortly after this we stopped seeing each other, but before then we actually managed to reach a point where we found the whole thing funny. Which goes to prove sometimes bad sex can be funny even to those involved.

Do you have any funny bad sex stories?
Tags: i can't take criticism, lurk more, troll in the dungeon!
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